Updated: Sep 11, 2020
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Welcome to the art of falling asleep. I'm Derek Lacey an insomnia coach. I created this podcast so Insomniacs could have a space to come and feel guided. I feel like I know you and could share some concepts that I wish people had shared with me, concepts that integrate sleep with every aspect of your life. Physical, emotional, and spiritual. I believe sleep is an art and that you, not me or any other sleep specialists are the artist. The art of falling asleep is your canvas, and I want to help you express yourself using the insights from my sleep coaching practice and my own journey out of insomnia, and by sharing transmissions that help you bridge the way you experience life and better sleep.
Everyone. I think you are going to find this to be a juicy episode because I'm going to talk about what is probably the least understood aspect when it comes to falling asleep. And that's the relationship between the mind and sleep for years, it felt like my mind was a rebellious teenager who liked to sneak out at night and it felt like the only reason I even had a mind was so that it could keep me from sleeping yet that same mind if I were driving a car at 80 miles per hour, in a moment where falling asleep meant disaster at same mind seemed to have no problem allowing me to fall asleep. And as, as an insomniac, you know, that ironic relationship with a mind and sleep. I know that relationship well and have really invested into trying to understand how unique this complicated relationship is to you. And I know that for you, it's not so simple.
You don't know what's on your mind most of the time, because as you spent more and more time and insomnia, your conscious and subconscious thinking have kind of fermented and turned into a new hybrid of an active mind. It's more like an active mind with its own active mind. And it, it sort of reminds me of a cartoon or a movie where a character has a thought and then a thought cloud pops up above their head for a, for a non insomniac when they feel like they can't control their mind to fall asleep, they have one, two thought clouds, but for you, it feels like there are several clouds each having their own network of subconscious thought clouds that just kind of go on, you know, what it feels like on an infinite path. Meanwhile, from this there's this idea asleep concept that's developed mainly by non insomniacs that in order to fall asleep, we need to extinguish these clouds or somehow get them to dissipate.
And even though this concept, which essentially says, we need to turn off, the mind is not biologically accurate. It works for people who only have one or two of those thought clouds. These are the people whose life isn't being completely influenced by insomnia. And they can make the clouds dissipate with supplements or guided meditations, or what have you some, some outside source of, of influence. But for us getting rid of our thoughts feels like blowing your nose. When you have a cold, as soon as you try to get rid of one thought, there seems to be an infinite line of thoughts waiting to replace that you thought I was going to mention mucus. I did do. And I refrained kind of. So you see the difference, maybe there, how person a we'll call them. The amateur insomniac can use a flyswatter to turn off their brain versus you, who tries to do the same thing, but just creates more frustration and resistance. And this is where bad concepts are born. The make it go away mentality that works for some people, but doesn't work for you. They don't know what it's like to be. You. They don't know that being an insomniac is like living on an Island by yourself. They don't know about your experiences about your fears, about your fear of not falling asleep. And in your ability to what I often say is, seems to be almost exclusive to insomniacs and that's your ability to feel other people's feelings.
What happens is that most of the advice that we get comes from non insomniacs, people who love us, but use this, make it go away. Concept. These are amazing people who love us and mean well, but they say things like, Oh, you just need to let go. You need to relax more, stop thinking so much. Or, um, my favorite is just close your eyes and go to sleep.
Um, they don't understand us. The products that are marketed to us don't understand us, but we follow these concepts anyway, because we really don't have a choice. Right? It seems like you're out of options. And so from here, the consequence is that we try to sleep while not understanding ourselves either. The reason I think these concepts are not helpful are because the actually kind of makes sense when we watch these people fall asleep. I'm sure you've probably had a partner before and watch them fall asleep in 30 seconds. And when we watch them fall asleep, it actually does look like they're doing all of these things. It looks like they're letting go and closing their eyes and falling asleep, but what's really taking place in the body's completely different physiologically. It's totally different than these words that we, these concepts that we come up with to describe the process.
So, um, you know what I'm getting at here, what I'm always getting at is that there, there is a different way to think about falling asleep and there should be a different way. This is a must because it, I almost find it technically impossible to go through a complete transformation. If your concept isn't a thousand percent solid as insomniacs, when we can think about sleep differently, which is something that we have total control of, then we can act differently without having to consciously be different. And this over time builds unconscious sleep confidence and just sort it's like it fills the gaps with like a cocking that, that doesn't allow us to ever retreat back and experience the same subconscious errors as we did before.
And if this happens or when we apply this type of thinking, conceptual thinking, we don't have to be so Kung Fu about managing the really complicated emotional challenges that we face. So for this episode, this means welcoming the concept that the mind doesn't need to shut off for you to fall asleep, but that instead, if you practiced presence or connection to your body, the mind with all of its pop-up clouds and sub clouds and infinite thoughts will begin to hear the message that your body's deepest desire for sleep is expressing. When you try to shut down your active mind or even think of your active mind as the problem and not as symptom, there is no end game at that point to needing to shut it down, because there's always going to be a thought waiting in the wings, just like that analogy to blowing your nose. When you have a cold plus, this isn't the way our ancestors did it. That's not how they fell asleep. How do I know this? Because they told me I get their newsletter. And this last one said, Hey, Derek, when I was human, like you, we used to just pass out from exhaustion.
And you know, that's the thing about, that's the thing about being a human right now in this day and age, life is different. Your light around you has gotten worse. The food's not the same as it used to be. You're inside. Most of the time, I'm guessing most of you and we have a different emotional concept of safety back in the day. If you were sleeping in a cave in Milwaukee, you didn't have to worry about a line in Chicago nowadays, though the mind kind of has to be more creative and multidimensional to survive. It has to live on different timelines. We have to anticipate and, and synthesize from our past because life is more multidimensional and we require so much more emotional safety too. The difference between now and back then has created a gap and left us with a bigger need to be connected to ourselves.
So we have to be better, a little more conscious about keeping our body and mind connected because our lifestyles aren't doing it as automatically as they used to being alive in this generation has expanded our sense of reality, which has made us more vulnerable to infinite thinking exponentially. It's connected us to different timelines. When your mind is preventing you from falling asleep or when it feels like your mind is preventing you from falling asleep. It's not that the mind is active. It's where the mind is being active. The only reason your mind could even prevent you from falling asleep is because it's somewhere in the future or in the past, or even in the present. But just somewhere else, it's like looking on the map in your, in your smartphone, pulling up the map. And instead of seeing a blue dot showing where you are in that moment, it pins you two States over in like 1967 being on a different timeline like this, it just lowers the, the sleep quality of your thoughts because being disconnected from yourself doesn't feel safe.
And that's, that's where the, uh, juiciness in that sandwiches right there is, is it always comes down to safety, right? Some part of us doesn't doesn't feel safe and there's nothing like being home. There's nothing like being in that present moment. 100% in the, in the place, the only place that truly feels safe. So it's when we are disconnected from ourselves that our thoughts attached to negative experiences on our timelines in the past, or, or, you know, possible negative experiences awaiting us in the future. And then once we're there, we become entangled with the experiences of somebody that we experienced abandonment, neglect or abuse from. And it becomes this, this mixture of like infinite generations of unhealed emotions. And this is what feels so explosive to the subconscious nervous system. The one that consciously we have such a tough time identifying, you know, it's like this. If I got to the source of my biggest subconscious emotional triggers, like I've described that feeling before, as, as I'm trying to fall asleep, I'm really sleepy. And then all of a sudden, my body just gets overwhelmed with something, telling me not to do it.
And if, if I had the time and I don't even know how to, if money would, would solve anything, but if I put all the best scientists and any emotional healers to work and did a study of where that's coming from, I would probably find out that one of my ancestors in like the year 12 over cooked an egg and the, the shame, the pain they received from that, you know, has been projected over and over again from parent to child, until it got to me as explosive as unhealed emotions can feel. This episode is called matter over mind, because we are reversing the concept that sleep starts with thinking and saying, instead, my timeline doesn't matter as much as what the most evolved version of my physical body wants from me right now. So your body actually knows how to bypass the emotional pain that's being stored and then speak from the self-love it craves and speak on behalf of what it needs. Physiologically gravity, hormones, spiritual frequencies. These are all created by mass. By matter, a mind couldn't even minimally operate without being grounded to matter in this case, that matter is your body Albert Einstein.
Um, whenever I hear it, I laugh because whenever I hear his name, it's like, uh, even in my own body, I gripped for like, uh, some kind of science that's going to be complicated, but it's not. He, he has this theory called the theory of relativity. Whenever I I'm confused about anything. I think about the theory of relativity and it grounds me and I, I understand how life works immediately. And so he showed us in his theory of relativity, that that matter creates gravity. So you having a body has created gravity within you and around you and science has shown as since then, that circadian rhythm is just, it's just a triggered response to gravity. All that this means is that sleep starts in the body with matter over mind.
The irony though, of having a mind is that you are given the freedom to challenge that, and you have the power, you have the power to create outcomes that fight that gravity you do. Ultimately, if you are using or, you know, we're just subconsciously more committed to the mind over matter concept. It can prevent you from falling asleep, but that also means that you have at least equal, but likely greater potential for succeeding at the matter over mind concept, all I'm suggesting with this concept is that your body knows so much more about sleep than you could possibly even begin to fathom. Think about that for just a few seconds, check in with yourself and just see if your mind likes the way that feels.
If your mind is just even a little more in honor of your body, then the matter of remind concept is true. And you've found yourself a way to move forward that isn't so conditional, but will over time have great influence on your ultimate success as a sleeper. Now, what I will proclaim here is that the matter over mind concept is absolutely true. And here is how I know that it's true. I'm going to fact check this for everybody. Sleep is literally the only time that thinking stops sleep takes the steering wheel from your conscious mind to prevent your nervous system from screwing up the regeneration process. So your, your brain, your glands, your organs, your cells, nothing stops. They have all been active as many hours as you have been alive. Your conscious mind, however, has only been alive for however old you are minus the amount of time that you've been asleep. When you think about it that way now you can really begin to feel your mind become humbled by your body, who is your elder, your guru, and your master, and your best friend that you get really good dating advice from when you really need it. We all have that person to turn to, right? And it turns out the person is our body that has the carries so much wisdom.
The other day, when I was walking, my dog can Seiko. I got a really good visual of what this relationship with a body mind and sleep looks like. So I think it would help if, if you actually just went on a walk with us to help with a visual Conseco is a black blue healer. Hmm. Yeah. A black blue healer, uh, with three legs. Um, he's an adorable tripod. So he's also, he's, he's also a rambunctious. So when I walked can Seiko, he's very much like that rebellious teenager. And you know, if I didn't put him on a leash, there's no telling where he would go. He's a puppy and he's super social and just has loads of energy. Now with out the leash, I know he would come back to me. Eventually the walk would just become more of an adventure. We would still be walking in the same overall direction.
We would just be walking separately and we would have two completely different of the walk. And most importantly, I wouldn't be able to keep him out of harm's way. So as you see us walking, notice how I'm not restricting his ability to walk and roam around and explore things because that's the point of the walk. But for his safety, the walk needs to take place in tandem as a single connected a unit, as you picture us walking and him barking at squirrels and smelling everything and peeing on everything. And, and me having to reel him back in, you see him being a dog, doing dog things, but you also see him moving in a direction. That's completely connected to my intent for him to my deepest desire, for what safety honors in him being a dog, the visual of us walking together is what it looks like when instead of shutting off your mind, you filter your thoughts through your body first, so that your thoughts speak from connection for you in real life to be in tandem and not separate to be connected. The mind doesn't need a leash. That's not a pleasant visual for sleep. I don't like it, but the metaphor is too good not to use it. So instead, just think of, of the mind instead of needing a leash, needing the senses, the senses are what real the mind in to join the body on the walk.
When my mind is on an adventure, all that's happening is that I'm bypassing the senses. It's just as if I have taken Conseco off the leash, do you see how this, how this concept, how through this concept, you don't have to stop thinking Conseco doesn't have to stop walking. When I have him on the leash, he just needs to walk on behalf of his owner. You just need to think on behalf of your body and the senses are how you do this. You engage with the senses. And then you ask what is the highest evolution of my body thinking, right?
When you think on behalf of your body, and when you get better at this, all you have to do from here is get your body tired. And it becomes less possible to think about anything else that's not related to being tired or sleepy. Have you ever noticed how impossible it is to feel sad when you're on a roller coaster or on a jet ski? That's because you're experiencing the ultimate engagement with the senses. So thinking anything else other than what you're feeling at that moment is virtually impossible. If your body is heavy because of melatonin running through your veins, then your thoughts are going to speak on behalf of being under the influence of sleep. As long as you are present and connected to your body. Because from there you experience consciousness and a conscious mind is ultimately what has sovereignty over the subconscious mind and the full spectrum of actions that we take knowingly and unknowingly. This is why mantras feels so good because they put us in our body and they engage us with the senses and that's truth, a mantra doesn't entertain thought it makes declarations. And you can do that too.
It may take a little time, but this is what you can get good at when you entertain this concept of matter over mind, because thinking separate from the body was never part of the sleep formula. So it really just doesn't belong. It's really hard to stop thinking in order to fall asleep, because you weren't supposed to be thinking in the first place, and this is why getting good at shutting off your mind leads nowhere. It doesn't help you become a better sleeper. And it's the reason why supplements that induce sleep and guided meditations and things like that can be like bandaids. Even if your body is deficient in a nutrient that you need, and you get that nutrient and you sleep better. I want that for you. I really, I really do.
I also want you to think about changing the concept because then you will unconsciously learn how to rewire your brain for autonomic sleep. When both happen, a transformation happens, you were given the senses to be a connector of the mind and the body. This is why meditation as a practice is so powerful. And this is why this sleep concept is so powerful because when you are connected to yourself from body to mind, and from mind to body, then spiritually, you become connected through your third eye and crown chakra, where you have access to infinite sleep frequencies. This is what I want to leave you with this concept matter over mind says that your mind is not the problem it's giving the power back to your physical body and the basic requirements that your body needs to sleep. Sunlight, food, air, water, gratitude. When your mind and body are connected by way of the senses, you're thinking will represent your body and your thinking will have the highest sleep quality possible. And please, the last thing I'll say, uh, op request is, is just to understand that concepts need time. An avocado tree takes five years to produce fruit, live your life and let the concepts be without putting pressure on them, to work this very second, know that they can work and may work, but learning to sleep artfully means reaching a certain level of proficiency and then not ever being able to go back to how it used
To be. You were asleep. We'll come to you. I believe that. Thank you for being here and have great sleep.